Serendipity

Things I hate...why should I make a list when right now its pretty much everything!..
I hate not having enough time..I hate people who dont respect others..I hate people who dont say thankyou..I hate people who think that my life wouldnt be complete without them..I hate waiting..I hate not getting what I want, WHEN I want it..I hate having responsibilities..I hate alot of things. 
I hate people telling me what to do..I hate kids disrespecting me..I hate having to bite my tongue just to be polite when I know that others wont do that to save MY feelings.  I hate..stuff..meh

You gat me thinking the otherday!...ElectricSix moment!...this is for you Ratty!..I wanted gaybar..lol..um..some might have thought it was may sig tune tho...rotfl..and Im NOT gay!...Gay Bar is my fave tho...really.

[b]Shadows[/b]

I see you in shadows, in stars,
You and I
I see you in the first light of day.
Hear you on the breeze.

I feel your darkness, your pain,
Tell me
Do you feel my tears?
As I look upon you.

I see your light, when sleeping.
When you smile .
I hear your sweet mutterings.
Do you feel me?

Hide Your Eyes and Count To Ten
Ready or Not...Im Gonna Find You Again!

Oh the joys of Nathan and Tim...so bouncy first thing in the morning!..I love them!..Hi Five rule in my house!  I sing all day..this song will drive me mad!...eeek!
Busy mumstuffies today.  Housework calling.  My bed calling!...Late night yet again last night!*winks*  I dont know whats got into me...somebody getting me all hot and bothered!*laughs*...hmm  no names or he will get all big headed*grins*

1..2..3..4  Hi Five!
1..2..3..4 Hi Five!
Five in the Air Lets Do it Together
Hi Five!*shakes pompoms*

Stolen from Rinna who stolen from Dariana...Im happy...happy!
You're vodka! You drink like a fish and always
voice your leftist political opinions.

What type of hard liquor are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I have been busy...writing for a change NOT on line!  I needed it...  M was off work anyway so we went into town...me note book in hand, scribbling..lol  Got some things for the kids...clothes.  Kids cost a fortune!  always need new things.  I wish they would stop growing sometimes.

Also thinking about Mace and his gf..her op was yesterday and I have yet to speak to him...hoping everything goes to plan.  Thinking about CP whoe's dad is still sick with that awful superbug ontop of everything else he had to deal with.  Sending warmth and love to them both.

I really liked this one...see its a very obvious choice. I love violet as a colour even tho Ricky says all girls like it..I dont think its everybodys favourite colour or I might have to pick something else because I dont want to be the same. Understand?



Violets are the inspirational visionaries, leaders
and teachers who are here to help save the
planet. Most Violets feel drawn to educate the
masses, to inspire higher ideals, to improve
the quality of life on the planet, or to help
save people, animals and the environment.


What Is Your True Aura Colour?
brought to you by Quizilla

working on the pic..was way too big...:)

Love it.  Love how it feels, looks, gets my hair stuck too it..:lol:
I have way too much make up yet I hardly wear any these days. 
I have a ton of boxes full of make up from my days as a makeup artist..I did bridal make up mostly..befor that Theatrical Makeup and competition work...I miss all that.  But me, I dont feel the need for it, cept lipgloss..or maybe even lipbalm.  I have this thing, a habbit of playing with my lips..biting them and stuff,,I like the feel of lipgloss...anywaaaay.  Was pretty down lastnight, feeling alittle more focused today.  I swear if I was the kind of person looking to label myself Id call myself borderline bipolar or something :wink:  lol..but no Im just me..moody and extreme sometimes.  I have no idea how people put up with me.  I know for a fact tho that Bart will put me right..which is why I talked to him first and had a depressing moan.  Thanks B 8)

Amy said something thismorning..asked me a Q which made me think...
Amy :  Mum...you know...nature?
Me   :  Nature...yes..
Amy :  Is Nature Coming..or Going?
Me   :  Hmmmmm

Shes 6...I know she was getting confused with the seasons...but it came out so profound..maybe its just the mood Im in today...thinking 'outside the box' you tell me...if anybody can tell me the answer Ill be over the moon!

Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
1. Drinking
2. Im stubborn
3. I drift off when people are talking to me
4. I dont like showing my true feelings

Name Four Things That You Wish You Could Have:
1. Enough money to move to a bigger house
2. A car
3. J-Lo's bum
4. Hair that does as its told!..come to that a body that did too

 

Name Four Scents You Love:
1. Sensi
2. Sandelwood
3. Rose
4. Clifftops

 

Name Four People That Know You the Best:
1. Helen
2. Andrea
3. Bart
4. M

Name Four Things You’d Never Wear:
1. short skirts..I hate my legs
2. stilettos..fall over!
3. leg warmers..never again
4. Elton John glasses

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. want to talk to Ricky
2. should I shower now or later
3. tblog is full of kids
4. M coming home soon

 

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. Woke up early for once
2. got flowers
3. made a sock puppet
4. cooked dinner

 

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
1.Food for kids lunches 
2. Birthday card
3. stamps
4. new pens/notebooks

Name Four Bands/Groups Most People Don’t Know You Like:
1. Kyle Minogue
2. Jason Timberlake
3. Eminem
4. Blackeyed Peas 

 

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. green tea
2. coffee
3. water
4. wine..

 

Last words you said: night night sweetie
Last song you sang?: Lilac Wine  Jeff B
Last person you hugged?:  Beccy
Last thing you laughed at?: Bart
Last time you said ’I Love You’ and meant it?: 2 mins ago
Last time you cried?: Now
What’s in your CD player?:  Steri ophonics
What color socks are you wearing?: none
What’s under your bed?:  books
What time did you wake up today?: 6AM
Current taste?:  Beetroot
Current hair?:  red wavy/straight...meh
Current clothes?: black jeans red top
Current Annoyance?: Gods where to start...me 
Current worry?:  money ..M
Current hate?:  needs thought 
Favorite thing about the opposite sex?: everything..lol
Last CD You Bought?: Dont buy CD's.  d/l
Favorite place to be?:  Whitby cliffs
Least favorite place?:  big towns
If you could play an instrument?: violin
Favorite color?:  lilac or silver or gold
Do You Believe In An Afterlife?:  ye s
How tall are you?:  5'4" 
Current favorite word/saying?: 'feel my wrath'  or  'good grief'
Favorite season?: Autumn
One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Adam my cousin
Favorite day?: any
Where would you like to go?: Eygypt 
What is your career going to be like?: how the hell do I know

 

ok so Im not in the best of moods...probably not great..my answers would be different tomorrow anyway.

Ever have one of those days where you just dont really seem to acomplish anything...'substantial'  I mean I had a nice little walk.  Played alot.  Got only one poem onto disk when I could have done so many!  The time has flown today and now the kids are in already.  What I should've done...

Cleaned..alot..everywhere
Finished up 3 poems
Got 6 poems onto disk so I can throw away the scrappy notes
Checked my bank balance

meh..tomorrow is another day

I saw him.  Right as I was coming back from my walk to the shops.  I almost died right there on the spot!  I havent spoke to him or been close to him since the day he went too far.  Hes even taller now and I wished I had worn heels!..at least then I could have looked him in the eye and not felt so...vunerable?...is that really how I felt?..yeah I think so. 

I felt sick, he asked me how I was..small talk..silly things that I should have brushed off.  I think maybe Im still alittle sensative about the whole thing..I mean hes a boy..16,  I shouldnt be afraid of him right?  He laughed when I asked how his mother was..said he didnt know, hes living with his Aunt and still at collage.  I made up some excuse and came home. All that stuff seems along time ago...at the time I almost was flattered and I definatly wasnt as worried as I should have been.  I dont know why I stumbled over my words today..was just a surprise seeing him I guess.  I dont want to see him around here again..cant wait for him to finish collage and leave to go...where ever.  Crushes can get serious...Im glad in away that he made a move...I did slap him after all and so at least he knows...that I want it to stop.  Im hungry..lunch time

 

{really quick explaination:  he had a crush on me..started stalking me..wouldnt take the hints or the fact that I changed my whole rutine to avoid him.  One day he went too far and grabbed me..I slapped him..he told me what a silly little bitch I was .  Went to collage..I never saw him until today.  ok thats it}

Birthday fun yesterday.  When to my sis'...she had a little party for me!  I got pressies too!..all girlie things like flowers, choccies and perfume.
My mum got me a nice new watch too and some perfume..Pleasures by Este Lauder.  Thats what 'she' likes! personaly thats abit too flowery I like more musky or oriental..spicey...what I love is Sensi by Armarni...thats what I wear..all the time..I love it..oh and Karma by Lush...thats me too.

Matty knocked my coffee onto the CREAM carpet...splashed up the CREAM walls...what fun!..I had a fit.  Well you can imagine!  She was fine about it tho..and I wanted to clean it up right away but she did it.  Turned out ok thank god.

Birthday cake...well.  My mum said she got me a cake and then forgot to bring it!  So I had a unique cake made up of lots of tiny cakes with a candle in each.  Sweet.

Hey Im a very happy Geek!..I found this on Tracy's blog..which is looking really super duper! I Am A: Neutral Good Elf Mage Bard

Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.

Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.

Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Deity:
Mystra is the Neutral Good goddess of magic. She is also known as the Lady of Mysteries. Followers of Mystra wear armor and carry shields with her symbol on them. Mystra's symbol is a ring of stars.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Wee..Happy Birthday to meeeeeee!!!  I got a ton of cards today and emails too!.. BIG thankyou to everybody who sent. 
Was up really late again lastnight talking.  Tonight I really have to get some sleep!  Later Ill be going to my sis' for a late lunch.  Want to take the kids and try to get them used to being around dogs again.  I dont want them freaking out each time we see one!  Ever since our holiday when a loose dog charged at them on the beach knocking the little one over.  They are all afraid..I dont blame them, that dog was out of control and the owner wouldnt call it back to him!  All three children were hysterical!..I was screaming at the owner..M was trying to get the dog off Beccy.  Imagine how bad it could have been!...I cant bare to think about it!

Well I finaly made a decent start on my poem blog...its here if you want to see.    AutumnSolstice

Butterflies by Mysticalrain...very pretty..I really like those!  Ill probably fiddle with it more and such.  You know I just cant help it!  I will add poems now and again. 
Id love feedback, Im very protective of my work and I realise that!..So Ill try not to bite*growls*

Im getting obsessed I know...but these words are so...gah I could cry!

 

Jewel Box
Jeff Buckley

I know you’re a woman
By the way you burn below
I’ll tell you secrets so good
You’ll never tell a soul
Come closer, that bonfire holds his life like stones
My years, my life unknown

Diamonds from the pavement
Where a broken glass had been
Just like these troubles that I’m leaving to the wind
Like sapphires in boxcars speeding towards the end
Like thieves, my bad luck grows

Jewel box of sadness
Bring to catch your tear
Crystalize illusion shine forgot I’m here
Jewel box of sadness
Bring to catch your tear
Oh, you left some stars in my belly

Star crossed child’s love on the bands of wedding gold
Silver studs of promise hide in the red crushed velvet folds
Inaction, intention, like emeralds I stole
My speech of custom gold
I think I ought to know

Jewel box of sadness
Bring to catch your tears
Crystalize illusion shine, forgot I’m here
Jewel box of sadness
Bring to catch your tear
Oh, you left some stars in my belly
You left some stars in my belly
You left some star in my belly.

Who knew!...who knew this amazing singer/writer was out there and 'I' didnt know about him!!...oh my god I found a site..listened to the song Rinna and Lex always go on about..Lover You Should've Come Over.  Well I almost hit my head as I fell...swooned!!! I love it!...I love it so much I could cry...tears of joy that I found somebody so wonderful and with such an amazing gift.  The way he writes...inspiring...I hear 2 songs and Im hooked...completely.  He makes me tingle!  I think he died?..Am I right?..he seems so young.  The good ones always go soonest, gifted...I can die happy now I heard Lilac Wine.  Im serious...its been such a long time since I got 'this' excited over a singer/writer...hes a writer..did he write anything else?..I want to devour each and every word he ever uttered or took the time to write.  I want to commit them to memory so that I can wallow in sublime delight , let the words come to life.  Im just aching,...Im very moved and may be getting abit over emotional.  Ok time to write, I feel like he smacked me in the head with  my very own muse.  Like a lover come back to me after years out in the haunting wilderness.

Mystykalrain has this one...Im really very unimpressed! Coke!...I dont even like it!

I just heard from a friend.  His girlfriend has breast cancer, she has to have her whole left breast removed.  I feel so sick about it.  Shes my age.  And since nobody knows who Im on about I figured he wont ming me rambling about it.  I cant stop thinking about it.  Please send her love and strength...and well Im thinking about her.  Now I feel bad.  Life treats us so hard sometimes.  I think I need to finish this in the morning.  Night night

{thankyou to everybody who commented/sent tmail/email. My friend is due to have surgery next week.  Im sure all will be fine}

I love this!...Autumn..everything all crispy...me rambling on and on just wondering what to say. Rinna did that stream of concience thingy maybe Ill have a go, altho Im sure it will just look almost like I usualy ramble, Oh brambles they are all over the bushes!!..I could make bramble pie, nice with apples Beccy loves apples now shes got most of her teeth, they still hurt her sometimes but shes such an angel I wonder what Ricky is doing right now break time maybe he will be around soon? no hes working late he said. My fingers are frozen now Im always warm but my fingers are always cold..why is that eh?..weird bodies my nose is cold too need to buy a hat soon snow and all coming in a month maybe, I am dying for a coffe I have one here its cold too, heating needs to go on how long am I supposed to go on and waffle,waffle I had crumpets for breckie, somebody used to call me that..crumpet..lol..its a english thing.well anyway I need to get some clothes on befor I freeze up and Im sure I must have some fingerless gloves somewhere.

I want a party.  Im serious!.. I want a tblog party for my birthday!...everybody invited just remember to bring a bottle!  Tomorrow is M's birthday..mine is on Sunday...maybe thats too short notice eh?...oh well...I love parties.

Im going to learn to drive.  I cant believe I never have, my dad used to be an instructor for heavens sake!  So I really need to do this...part of my 'breaking the cycle' be more independent.

In a few weeks my sweetie..Beccy will get a place in Playgroup(kind of like pre-school maybe) shes only just two and she will start nursrey school when she is 3.  This is a good time for her to start, then I can drive while she is there see!.its all coming together.  Scuba...I think you should be a life coach or something!

{ I took it out...it mad my blog look fat!...it was boring anyways}

Well I have been thinking alot about the mess my other blog is in. I cant figure it out and I know there is no chance of Rocky doing anything.
So Im going to have to start afresh. Autumn Solstice was yesterday so new starts are good right now.
I will get a new blog...maybe call it Ambertiger2 or Amber_Tiger..or _Ambertiger_ lol..you know, something like that! Then I can have fun with the butterflies Mystykalrain sent me...pretty pretty! Ill start adding to it right away.

Lastnight I had my Solstice celebration...well I made a huge dinner and didnt feel like eating any myself. Drank too much wine. Came on line. Said a few silly drunken things. Heard some silly things. Sobered up alittle then remembered I wanted to do alittle moon meditation. So I wrapped myself in a blanket and sat outside.
All in all it was a great night. Apart from the confessions which I have to deal with today. :shock: which are not bad...just...dificult.

 

note:..not like Ive got a hangover or anything!..but I noticed I spelt bad!...Rinna...thankyou for your very gentle nudge...:lol:

Ok..I feel almost back to what I would call normality.  I had such weird dreams last night, normal for me!.  Thought Id share.  The first dream I was being chased around a huge posh hotel my a black panther.  It never got close enough to touch me and I had kind of super powers...jumping climbing...spidey style...lol...it was fantastic!  I loved it wasnt scared altho I kept trying to ask the panther why it was chasing me.  My best friend was there too...she was obsessed with her make up...looking in the mirror all the time...thats how she is in real life too.

Second, I was in hospital trying to convince the docs I was pregnant!..They said I wasnt until they gave me a scan...I was having triplets!..how weird it that!!

Feeling a little better.  Lots of sage tea got rid of my husky voice.  The house smells like a herbalists...lovely.  Lucky M was off today so I got time for a nap.  We all know mums arnt allowed to be sick too long eh?..lol

All the kids are still feeling poorly...*sighs*

Ok Im sick...Im probably highly contagious...
I went out last night too..had a great night.  My mum surprised me, I was supposed to be just going to see her.  She took me to a live gig, which was awsome!  Ill have to do the details later.  I can hardly see, my heads hurting so much...not a hangover!...befor any cheeky comments!

Ill still be on tonight tho R...and B.

Wow I had such a fantastic talk last night with a really good friend. I hadnt realised how life repeats itself! Its so obvious now I think about it. All my relationships have followed the same pattern! I have the same hopes...the same desires...the same disapointments. Always..over and over again. I need to break the cycle. And now I know what makes me feel the way I do, I hope I can start to make small changes. Baby steps :lol: Its funny how often it takes another person to help you realise something which turns out to be so bloody obvious!...Im pretty hyped to day....and no..no coffe yet!

And Bambrough Castle too..close by

Please!..stop me from fiddling!..I messed up my poems blog now and Ill I wanted to do was to get rid of the header...*cries*..I lost every single post by the looks of it. 

Im not a happy bunny now..*frowns*..maybe I should abandon Ambertiger and put the poems onto TigerLilly2?...maybe somebody should shoot my hands off so I cant fiddle anymore!!!

You are Wanda. You are the more sincable and
helpful of Timmy's fairy god parents. You have
a love of compation and sincarity. You
genuinly care about everyone's well being. But
you do like to have fun and relax every now and
then and get away from your inept significate
other.

Which Fairly Odd Parents Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla I stole this from Lex...bah do a link in a bit...lunch time

Well boo hoo!  tblog being silly today and I cant open anybodys page.!!  Typical I have like 5 more mins and I cant bloody do anything!  Is it happening to everybody?...wait..if it was happening to everybody...then nobody will be able to see this and answer me eh?...lol  *spins in chair*

Ah well Ill have to catch up with you all tonight or later if I get chance!
love love love to everybody on this super day!*skips off*

*yawns*  God Im tired.  Cant wait to get over this flue or what ever Ive got!  All the kids have it now poor Beccy the worst. Of course M doesnt get it, hes not around long enough I guess.  It breaks my heart to hear a little 2 yr old say..'Ive got a poorly head' over and over again...plus she can hardly breathe her nose is all stuffed....Bless.

So Lastnight as I was sat outside watching the stars...it was perfectly clear and very quiet, apart from the odd Owl which I love and the bats were out in force too.  I love to just sit and watch the nights business. 
So it hit me...actually 'she' hit me...my muse. 
Just a single line, but once its down on paper everything else flows around it.  So I ended up sitting out there until midnight scribbling away.  Another early night missed!..lol..It was worth it tho. 

Right now I have two competitions to enter and two more requests for specific types of poems.  Its hard work and...well takes alot of energy, so if Im not around...*smiles*..well Im writing.  Hope you all having a relaxing weekend?  This weekend I havent even been out!..I hope somebody out there was having fun anyway.

Rattys Forum Join Here

Morning! Ratty has a great new idea.  Its a forum for booky/fantasy/magicy types!!  Its great fun , you need to register but thats painless! honest!
Im plugging shamelessly.  If she hadnt set one up Im sure I would have had a go!..maybe I can help out a bit..Id love that!
Anyway join now!..all you mad rat fans too!  *shivers*...Im not a great fan of Rats but well...Im sure I can get used to the little fellas.

Take the quiz: "what annoying celebrity are you?"

Courtney Love
you are crazy! like crazy! man... im sure ur really cool... Grr..

Everyday for as long as I can remember I have smiled.  Walking along the street...in shops...in schools. I always have a smile.  It costs me nothing and I think...why be grumpy? 

So many people walk with their heads down...frowning...troubled faces.  I see them all on the way to school.  A sea of blank faces...its very rare that I ever get a smile back.  And I dont expect one either.  I walk, and I actually take notice of peoples faces.  Some people are just crying out for a bit of friendlyness...contact.  Human contact...we all need it in some form.  And you dont need to be an Empath to 'feel' how troubled people are.  Their body language gives it away.

It makes me feel good...I hope it makes them feel alittle better too.  Of course my smile hides my own feelings.  How I hate getting up early..other things.  A smile can be a mask, and thats where you have to be careful.  You have to remember to take that mask off at the end of the day.  Its taken me years to realise that.
 
I used to work in a place where a smile on your face was part of the uniform.  At the end of each day my face ached.  After 2 years of managing the shop I had a break down.  Thats when I realised my 'smile' was a mask and that mask was stuck on. 

So what am I going on about?  Oh yeah!  On the way back from school today, in that sea of grim cold faces, who probably think im abit crazy smiling all the time, I recieved a great smile!  I looked a young man in the eye and smiled...he smiled back...a huge great beaming smile and a nod.  I felt so warm.  Makes it worth while

so please try a smile...Id love one!

Why does it always have to be Football?  Its on so much!..yet there are supposed to be seasons?...I dont see them...they all just merge into one!...Boring boring football.

Supposed to be having an early night seeing as Im so worn out.  Shattered...ahh well only one more day befor the weekend...at least I wont have to get up so early!

Jennluna has a great post right now..I really wish everybody could read it and understand how hard it is to be..'different'

Tolerance is a great gift and one which is not used as much as it should be.  My own experiances tell me that...its hard to be tolerant of others beliefs.  Especialy when your taught people who dont think the same way you do need..'rescuing' or converting. 
I am a pagan, I have a totaly non pagan family.  My family are easy going...they see that I am a good person.  And even tho they truely dont know 'what' I am..they know Im not a christian and thats fine by them. 
Because I dont go round pressuring people...questioning  their faith.  Why should I?, its a very personal thing.  

I have had problems in the past.  I try and let it all go over my head.  I know ignorance fuels alot of things people say and so if Im asked...'nicely' to explain something I do my best.  Of course things are hard to explain when that person wont listen.  I do believe certain people dont want to listen.  They see only their side of the story.  Blinkered.

Most of all I think Jennluna has a point.  Its all a journey, you explore until you find what fits you best.

 

I am such an addict!  I love all these geeky things...ok Im a geek!...but Ratty has a Neopet now and that means its ok for me to obsess about one too!!..I want one!  So Im getting one...yipee..Ill introduce it/him/her in a little while.

Hey its light relief!

here she is..meet FlameFoot...shes so cute..awww

Oh good grief!..anybody who knows me even a tiny bit , knows how much I adore my children...how much I have given up for them..the pain Im in everyday just to keep them happy!  
But..I HATE MORNINGS!   No matter how early I get up I am still always in a mad rush.  Now I know why..Scooby Doo...they sit and watch scooby...they dont listen to me...they listen to Fred.  And after I have dressed and fed them, and they are all ready to leave.  I go upstairs to get myself dressed, on coming down I find socks off..and lost.  Faces smeared with jam because they snuck into the fridge.  And Im blaming Scooby!...so from now on...Scooby is banned in my house for at least the morning.  When they get back from school I will let him back.

But speaking of good old Scooby..I over heard a great game my kids were playing lastnight!  Amy was Daphney...Matty was shaggy..Beccy was Scooby Doo..lol...funny stuff.  Got me thinking about my friends and who they would be.  I would love to be Daphney..but alas my glasses make me more a Velma type. 
Heres a question, which would you be?

A few people have asked...thru comments and also surprisingly via tmails.  Im actually shocked that anybody would care about this whole thing.  Still I did blog about it in July.  So here are links.  I know various people will not like this.  I know that its maybe not a good idea for Z or T to go over it, unless they already have and...well its fine anyway.  It was painful to write, which is why Im not going over the whole thing again...just links.

One   Two   Three

And I think that is ...that...

Today I found some poems I wrote while at school.  I was 15 or 16!!...I forgot I even had them.  I wanted to share a particular one which I think sums me up nicely.  And how I felt at that time 1986.  I was right in the middle of a serious 'goth' phase...lol

Mankind

Earth, a spark, in itself,among the rest.

A youngster, newly born.

Raising, with gracefull, spherical beauty.

Bursting, with enthusiastic mirth.

Mankind, spreading like a happy rash.

Covering all but the four corners.

Shaping, moulding to their own selfish whim.

Gradual, so called developement.

Destruction, death of innocents.

Ignorance reigns over many a race.

War, mass murders, by political allmighty.

Or those who think, they are.

Racing each other, competing.

For God-like leadership.

Bombs which can destroy total earth.

Soon will be released.

In a race to be first.

To be first to comit global suicide

In the race for genocide

Mankinds doing allright

Ahh..just a quick fly past befor I hop off to put my angels/devils..hehe to bed!  I will look more closely at those comments I promise.  Some very interesting dreams!  and explainations about..'that woman'

I dont mind explaining now.  Its all kind of come to a head for me I guess.  My fave word again...cathartic...it will do me a lot of good. 
messages..
April...my birthday is on the 26th...it was Beccys the other day!...you didnt miss mine!..I wouldnt let you!
Zack and Tracy... Hoping things are at least a fraction calmer still?...
Ricky.. I miss you*smiles*
SoMe.. Interesting comments, you have sparked off my need too release some of this...mess.

 

Wow I wish I could remember in glorious detail the fab dream I had last night !!!

Kraze!!..bless her, she was in it, in my garden?..lol..maybe firing up the BBQ.  Who knows.  I have had some odd dreams befor but never involving dear April!

Gimmy dreams.  I want to know. THe crazy the better!..Whats the weirdest you ever had?

"If there is something that you're trying to let go of, it would make sense to have some kind of a ritual during the waning moon. This is the Goddess in her Crone aspect: wise, experienced, and settling into physical decline. After the growing pains of the new moon and the celebration of the full moon, the waning moon is a time to regroup."    Veronica Berntsson

Ok Ratty is back!...to stay?..lol..who knows.  But she is back right now! 

Welcome back Ratty!

Heres hoping you stay alittle while!

Funny..Im tired.  I have nothing to say.  Nothing deep .  Am I ever deep?  Hmm...Im still in the midst of a busy few days so Ill be off and on...briefly.  Kids are still not settled in school.  Not as bad as last week tho luckily.  The family birthday was about 80% as bad as I thought it would be!  I just focused on the kids.  They had a great time!  Wonderful, Beccy sang 'happy birthday to me' all day!!  Bless..so sweet.

I saw on the news some crazy demo person managed to get into Buckingham palace today.  Dressed as Batman!  I think the same people who threw purple flour at the PM.  Fathers wanting more rights.  Sad how they have to resort to this to get noticed.

Beccy thanks you all for your nice comments! I hear its aWindows birthday too. Happy birthday to him where ever he maybe. I certinly miss his blog. His writing was very inspiring. So...moving I often found it difficult to comment 8)

Well I read on Tracy and Zacks blog an apology from that woman. She sent a huge apology and so they agreed to remove posts refering to her. I hope and pray it lasts. For their sake, and their kids.
For me, Im still angry. And I have no 'public apology' from her. And so I will carry on ranting as long as im angry.

Today M is picking the kids up. Hes taking the two eldest to the beach. Beccy stays here, its so windy I think she would get blown away! When they come back we will have a little tea party...cake and yummy things 8)

Happy Birthday...she is 2...wow...big girl

Rebecca

New Moon 14.9.04

 

The New Moon in Virgo is usually a sedate event, a careful readjustment or two, taking a new course, or buying a new tool are often enough. But this one is jam packed with power as Mars and Jupiter join the lunation while Pluto squares it. It's a time to bring ourselves to higher levels of expertise and efficiency, and this might require cutting out an old habit or two. Pluto brings power struggles so, if you're picking a nit, make sure that attention to a detail is more than a means to control or criticize

picking a nit...*nods*

 

Im [b]tired[/b] of it all. I read what that damn sicko woman has done. Oh and no..[b]So Me [/b]this had nothing to do with you. I bet your really deflated hey? Think your worthy of comment.?

Im sick of being the [b]nice[/b] guy. What has made me so very angry is what [b]Jennifer[/b] has done. Yes Ill say her name now after months of keeping bloody quiet and taking a step back.
In her wisdom, she stole photos from [b]Zacks[/b] PC. Photos of me. Then she thought how fun would it be to show [b]Tracy[/b]. Oh Tracy doesnt mind, she quite comfortable in her relationship. She saw it for what it was, a very [b]cheap[/b] shot.

Now whats making me so damn angry is the fact that she has them. They are not her property, they are [b]MINE[/b]. They are [b]MY[/b] personal property which I gave to Zack. I dont give a shit about what [b]Jennifer[/b] thinks. She knows she is sick. She has baited me for months to do this! And now she has won. I have lost my cool over the whole situation.

I am sick to DEATH of you [b]JENNIFER!!! GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD!! . NOBODY CARES ANYMORE! EVERYBODY WANTS YOU OUT OF THEIR LIVES INCLUDING ME, NOW! [/b] Yes I tried to stay friendly with everybody, I cant and wont respect you anymore.
[b]Do NOT KEEP DRAGING THE PAST UP GET ON WITH YOUR FUTURE FOR FUCKS SAKE.[/b]

Layer Seven

Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
If so, was it mixed company: Yes.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yeah!
Been caught "doing something": Been caught doing lots of things!!!!
Been called a tease: Yes all the time
Gotten beaten up: Never
Shoplifted: Yes..big style...but we dont want to get into that
Changed who you were to fit in: Tried...didnt work.  Never does

 

Layer Eight

Age you hope to be married: I never will.  I said this already!!! 
Numbers and Names of Children:Amy 6..Matthew 5.. Rebecca 2 in a few days
Describe your Dream Wedding: Sod off and stop asking about bloody weddings!
How do you want to die: I don’t want to die, ever
Where you want to go to college:Boring!..I did the collage Q already
What do you want to be when you grow up: A wench
What country would you most like to visit: Eygpt

Layer Nine

Number of people I could trust with my life: I have no idea
Number of CDs that I own: Hundreds
Number of piercings: 4
Number of tattoos: 0.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Maybe 20
Number of scars on my body:2
Number of things in my past that I regret: Quite a few probably, 2 major things I can think off right now

 

'Into the sea you and me!'
Awww god bless The Cure.  Today is a Love Cats day!
I remember seeng the video...laughing my socks off.  Ok Ive been abit down today.  I will be relaxing...no wine tonight.  I feel the muse tapping me on my shoulder.

[b]Layer Five[/b]

[i]Smoke[/i]: No I hate it!..I hate that smell. (a few drinks can ease the tension tho..lol)
[i]Cuss[/i]: When Im angry yes. Never in front of the kids tho
[i]Sing[/i]: Everyday!
[i]Take a shower everyday[/i]: I love a nice very long shower...mmm
[i]Do you think you've been in love[/i]: Yes too many times
[i]Want to go to college[/i]: Been there done that. Will go back when my youngest is in school
[i]Liked high school[/i]: The times I was there...I hated it
[i]Want to get married[/i]: No-way...no never ever
[i]Believe in yourself[/i]: No still working on that one :) [i]Get motion sickness[/i]: No
[i]Think you're attractive[/i]: I think I look 12
[i]Think you're a health freak[/i]: Over certain things yes
[i]Get along with your parent(s): [/i]Yes
[i]Like thunderstorms[/i]: I love them, I like to be out IN them
[i]Play an instrument[/i]: Piano alittle..guitar a little

[b]Layer Six[/b]
In the past month...
[i]Drank alcohol[/i]: Yes...of course!
[i]Smoked[/i]: Nope
[i]Done a drug[/i]: unfortunately, nope
[i]Made out[/i]: Yes.
[i]Gone on a date[/i]: Nope
[i]Gone to the mall[/i]: Shopping?...yes
[i]Eaten an entire box of Oreos[/i]: I dont know what the hell they are sorry mate
[i]Eaten sushi[/i]: eww..never
[i]Been on stage[/i]: no..not this month :)
[i]Been dumped[/i]: no
[i]Gone skating[/i]: yes!..Ice skating
[i]Made homeade cookies[/i]: yes..and pie..Apple Crumble which I burnt
[i]Gone skinny dipping[/i]: No
[i]Dyed your hair[/i]: Yep.
[i]Stolen anything[/i]: Nope.
[i]You sound boring[/i]: So....?...

I had wine.  Lots of wine, problem is I drank it down angrily instead of enjoying it.  Now my Merlot is gone.  Im feeling*sighs*...relaxed. 

We rowed tonight.  Terribly, over a silly thing, a bloody carrot.  I hate him, I could think of  words to describe him.  But I have lost the will to insult him now.  Im tired, but I cant go to bed yet.  I wont sleep anyway.  I keep asking myself if I used to feel this bad befor I stopped taking the pills.  Or is this befause Im not taking them now?  Was it always like this and I was numb to it?*rambles*

Layer Three

Your most overused phrase on YIM:*winks*

Your first waking thoughts: I dont want to move!

Your best physical feature: How would I know?..Depends
who you ask I guess.  Somebody would say bum...another would say boobs!!..I know who would say boobs!!..*winks* 

Your most missed memory: My youth

 

Layer Four

Pepsi or Coke: Unless it has Bacardi..non..Coke AND Pepsi rot your teeth and urgh all that sugar

McDonald's or Burger King: Urgh..am I weird?...non

Single or group dates:Single, always best

Adidas or Nike: er...designer not my thing...shoes are just ...shoes

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I drink green tea...oh and all that coffe which should be decaf and sometimes isnt

Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate..

Cappuccino or coffee: Both..I adore Cappuccino..but a good freshly pressed columbian is nice too...*laughs*

 

Ok Rinna... pink..yours are girl power pink!..mine are er...kind of wishy washy 8)

Ripped from SheSpecies..who took it from Jensabsent This is such a long Q+A I need to do it in stages. My brain just cant take too much into at once!!..oh and [b]Beccy[/b] needs me for some mum cuddles


[b]Layer One[/b]
Name: Clare.
Birth date: 26.09.71
Birthplace: UK...NorthEast...thats all I can say.
Current Location: Same
Eye Color: Blue sometimes grey
Hair Color: Red
Height: 5'4".
Righty or Lefty: Right handed
Zodiac Sign: Western: Libra Eastern: Metal Pig..(Rotfl I think of War pigs by Black Sabbath) ------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- ----- [b]Layer Two[/b]
Your heritage: Hmmmm...ok...Grandmother Irish, on my Dads side. Great Grand Mother Spanish, on my Mothers side.
The shoes you wore today: Trainers...pink
Your weakness: Indisicive...I think. Cant spell for toffe Your fears: Getting it Wrong
Your perfect pizza: Margarita on a Cibatta base with Tuna and extra Garlic
Goal you'd like to achieve: Funding and Publishing my own writing...maybe

Nice One Rinna. Your a superhero. Im a Nerd. lol..this wasnt supposed to work out like this!

 

8) 8)

Cilla Black sang that song.  Of course Im way too young to really remember that, I just remember my mum liking it.  So now I cant get it out of my head!..Grrr...Songs...music, all have memories attached to them.  Like good and bad.  Let me think now..

*thinks*

My dad was in a group when he was young, I have the tape they did of Radio One Sessions with John Peel.  So alot of the music in my house, when I was little, was...kind of Folk or The Beatles

oh yeah The Cure,  loads of very nice memories of them.  I was in my last year of school.  My Cousin came back from South Africa, where he had been for maybe 8 years!..I loved my cousin!, he was my best friend and when he came back!...I was jumping for joy!  He came round with all his Cure Albumns and we sat and put them on to Cassette for me.  lol..Cassette...most kids probably have no clue what I mean.  So most Cure songs remind me of that time.  Or Robert Smith and his lipstick...ROTFL!!

Rinna was on about earliest memories.  One of mine is hearing Gladys Night and the Pips, over and over again.  John Denver, Let me Take You By the Hand and Lead You Through the Streets of London...was that John Denver?  Anyway I still love that song. 

Dancing to Brotherhood of Man, Save All Your Kisses for Me...lol..I knew that dance off by heart!  Same with Bucks Fizz and Making Your Mind Up...  Clanaad...now they remind me of working...I used to play it in the shop alot.  Now tho Clanaad remind me of Ricky and his Forest...you know..Sherwood Forest..*smiles*  Me getting all soppy now. 

Its hot, Im hot. Its so weird, it is windy and hot. 

And Im rather bored now.  Everybodys gone back to work now.  Ricky, Bart, Raggy.   I have to go get the kids soon tho.  No point me starting any of the hugemongous tasks I have to do.  Well Ill just have to stop wont I and thats no good.  I noticed today that Amy's teacher is rather an idiot and I had to have 'words' with her.  Everymorning the children mill about in the school playground waiting for the bell.  The younger ones line up outside and their teacher comes to take them in to class. 

Amys teacher decided to stand at the door and wave everybody in.  Seeing how she is such a tiny midget this is not a good idea!!!..I didnt see her!(um..im not tall either)..so Amy was late ...and upset.  I was angry, I told her to have more respect and 'comunicate' with others!...as long as I know what Im doing then I wont be mad!.  I struggled to stay in control.  I know its hard teaching blah blah...its harder if you dont explain your reasons or explain what you need those kids to do!  Anyway Im hoping she gets it right in the morning*laughs*

Ive been thinking. About how [b]lucky[/b] I am right now. Yeah I have a ton of problems and stuff to deal with, but I do have three [b]beautiful[/b] children. So Thinking back, I was remembering the [b]horror[/b] I felt when I was pregnant with [b]Matthew[/b]. It feels great to get this out now, knowing that there is a happy ending. I wish Id known back then everything was going to be ok.

It wasnt an easy pregnancy, lots of [b]sickness[/b]. Totaly different from my first, and just like my first I knew from early on what I was having. I was thrilled to be having a [b]boy[/b], couldnt wait to go for my first scan(ultrasound here we have one at 12 and 18 weeks)

The first scan went great...until the sonographer turned pale and said she needed a [b]second opinion[/b]. I panicked, I knew something was wrong...the specialist came in a few mins later.
I was told my baby had a [b]'Ventricular problem' [/b]A certain amount of fluid in his [b]brain[/b] was mesuring too high. This was a problem. He was very nice...calm...told me he would do another in a weeks time to see if the fluid had reduced. I had more [b]tests[/b], blood...ultrasounds. Over the next 4 weeks, they then decided that yes..it was definatly there to stay.

Ok I said..this tiny measurement...whats it mean?
Well it means your baby will me [b]moderatly brain [/b][b]damaged[/b]....50% chance of [b]severe brain [/b]damage.

They sent me to the [b]Fetal Unit [/b]up in Newcastle to see even more specialists. I was 21weeks pregnant then...Baring in mind a baby born at 24 wks here has a good chance of surviving. I was told the test I needed would use a long needle to extract some of babys blood, this could be used to examine [b]DNA[/b] and find out more. The thing was, this test carried an enormous risk of [b]miscarage[/b] or trigger labour. They gave me just 45 mins to decide. Half way thru this nightmare a nurse came in and asked me to consider a [b]termination[/b], she said if the tests proved what they all thought..the baby would be..[b]'a vegetable' [/b]living maybe a day or so.

I felt so...rushed. I knew I had to decide. Time was running out. I felt myself start to cut off...prepare myself. Which ever I chose my baby would still [b]die[/b]!..how I didnt breakdown Ill never know. I made my choice. I would have the test, if it was positive then I would give the poor child a [b]fighting[/b] chance and carry on with the pregnancy. Agony, [b]pure agony [/b]that test. I went home in pain terrified that I was going to loose him now anyway. I had to wait two days for the results. I really honestly thought it was bad. I shut myself off completely. From the baby too, why would I get attached now I thought. I was 'preparing' myself for his death.

The tests were [b]negative[/b] for all major genetic problems. I was relieved, but they still insisted he had a 50% chance of [b]mental problems[/b]. Can you imagine how I felt for the rest of my pregnancy? I was prodded and poked, tested...student doctors were called to examine me!..urgh I was a shell by then tho. I just wanted to have him and see for myself. When I finaly did have him!..he was so [b]perfect[/b]!..beautiful and 'seemed' 100% fine!!.

Over the moon! I couldnt believe it!..he had [b]brainscans[/b]..all normal!..regular tests up until he was 2 years old when the doctor declared him having higher [b]inteligence[/b]! The final test scored him in the highest bracket. This was all [b]fantastic[/b]!...now I look back and I want to scream at all those so called experts! Medical Science cant always be right.

I stole from Kraze!!..help!

My insulting name is Drewcarey Onewhoswallows!
What's yours?

Take the quiz: "Could you last in a scary movie??"

Hell Yeah, You defeat all evil
You are armed with enough knowledge to make it thru and live to tell the tale.

so Funny!...I defeat all evil!!!!!*growls*

Im sat having my lunch.  Which happens to be Broccoli and cheese soup.  lol..sounds bad..looks awful, but I like it!  Bart almost throws up when I eat it....*laughs head off* So of course I eat it all the time!  Im now addicted to the damn stuff!  Still wish I had RedBull!...god last night I was still up at 2am!...I could have cleaned...which is really what I should have done!...where is the fun in that!  I wrote..manicaly!..maddly!..Wrote 3 really long poems!   whew it took some winding down.  I think the wine I had too didnt help either.  Now Im seriously OFF the de-caf wagon.  Ahh well I can always wean myself off it again.  Ill have too eventually.  I know what that stuff does to me! 

Its sunny
I feel...sunny today!..*shock horror* 

September!  I love this month, so many celebrations..plus everything is looking great!  Leaves I love them when they turn wonderful golden, red, bronze.  And berries!...Elderberries, Blackberries, Rosehips too all of natures goodness layed out like a fantastic watercolour!  Its starting to cool down alittle and we get more rain and wind, but there are still days where the sun is out and its low in the sky...makes the light more golden.  My postman is still wearing shorts*winks* 

Birthdays too!  Rebecca will be 2 next week..on the 13th of September.  So I really cant call her my baby anymore...sad...but thats life.  Then the 24th its M's he will be the big  4 0..lol...hmm..mine on the 26th...Im so glad Im not 40!!..or no where near it!

So Im going out next sunday.  Not a birthday party as such, more of a family meal.  Family meaning both sides of our weird families.  My parents .my sister and Fiance.  His mum. His sister and hubby.  Gah!!!..Im dreading it!!  It will be the first time those people have been together since the whole 'affair' thing happened.  Tense!!!..I will be a wreck!!....Hells Mother-in-law. She knows how to make a situation tense!  Anyway the kids will have a great time and thats the main thing.  This place has a restarunt and also a huge kids play area.

"When we asked why we were doing this, what our goal was, 'The Colonel' answered us, 'Because we need to start a war across the Caucasus"
Thats a quote from the one terrorist in captivity.

Russia - What is wrong with these people?  Using all those children like pawns.  'In Beslan, where every family is grieving, nearly 200 children and other victims have been buried' I dont know what the world is going to learn from this.

The whole media frenzy around it too.  Cameras in crying mothers faces.  Bodies charred and bloody.  Like a war zone.  The thing is, in this part of Russia, the only access to things going on around them is via State Controled TV.  So the Government can choose what to show.  I dont think the general public of Russia will even be seeing what we are.  Which is so wrong.

Mad!...total and utter hell!  That is my house right now.  Screaming..jumping about..and thats just me!*laughs*..wooo..I was talking to jonnybravo about RedBull the otherday.  I had to admit Ive never tried it!  I have now!..*grows wings and flaps off*

 

 

I feel like [b]floating[/b]...right round the moon and back again. I was going to finish that article for [b]Dirt[/b]. I have been [b]distracted[/b] today tho, tomorrow I will try. It needs editing, I write rough and then tweak. I never wrote an article befor...not officialy, I think Im worried about submitting it! [b]Scared[/b] I havent done it right. Well I know links would be good so Im looking for them. Still I will never know until I send it . [b]Gawd[/b] knows Im dreading it really meh Ok the [b]kids[/b] need picking up soon. I dont know where my time went today!! [b]Beccy[/b] has been confused...wondering when her brother and sister are coming home. No doubt they will be [b]starving[/b]!...[b]tired[/b]...[b]grumpy[/b]...awwww bless..*sticks [b]wine[/b] in fridge for later* :lol:

New musico.  Keane...Bedshaped.  Its their latest single I believe, great album too!  I listen to it alot. 

Anybody who knows me will remember that I ALWAYS listen to the lyrics...most important to me, it has to move me.  This song does.  Actually the video is kinda sad, still I like it...I like his voice..cant do names cause I dont remember them..lol...Im not good with names.  I do remember silly facts like that fact that he always wears the same pair of stinky trainers everywhere he goes.  Lucky trainers he thinks!..pongy

Ok RINNA!!..*sprinkles fairy sparkles around*...*glitter glitter*
Which Horrible Affliction are you?
A Rum and Monkey disease.

this is not good...hmmm...the plague?...ahh did you see how I did your link?...*feeling clever*

Woooooooo!...They are back!...my little ones are back in [b]school[/b]!. My Six week gauntlet is over!...*breathes a huge sogh of relief* and reeellaaaaax..... 8)

Welll i was really at the end of my tether! It still breaks my heart to see them all [b]nervous[/b] and tearfull. Matty is not so bad ...but Amy, oh god the [b]tears[/b]...she sobbed. [b]New teachers [/b]and everything, and we all know how awful teachers can be...*smirks at Ricky*

I had some awful teachers, one springs to mind. [b]Madame Helouie[/b]...French...ack she was so strict she [b]NEVER[/b] spoke English in class. When half the class lost which page they were on, because she talked too [b]fast[/b], she made them all stand outside in the rain! Luckily back then I was rather good at French Oral...(no funny remarks;p) so speaking it wasnt a problem. It was the [b]spelling[/b] and stuff that threw me. Anyway this teacher was bloody awful...I spent that whole year [b]terrified[/b] of her ..siting right at the front of the class staring up at my hairbrush on top of the cupboard, she saw it in my bag and [b]flung[/b] it up there in a [b]rage[/b] :x

Plenty others were great! I loved English and all my English teachers were [b]groovey[/b] 8)

So [b]Question[/b], What was your[b] worst[/b]..and [b]Favourite[/b] teacher and [b]why[/b]?

Its just after 6pm. I have [b]indulged[/b] in a few glasses of wine, for the sake of [b]relaxation[/b] :wink:

So Im just relaxing...god Im so relaxed im almost [b]asleep[/b]! Going to have to wake myself up and get those monkeys to bed! I just made their lunches so they are all ready.

Tonight...hmm..what to do. Nodoubt Ill be chatting. Wonder if M is up for another night of [b]passion[/b] like lastnight?.. :wink: Oh best not say too much..lots of winking tho..lol Im still recovering from it, put it that way.

Of course if you catch me on IM at all Id probably [b]re-live [/b]the whole night ... :shock:

*coughs*right.

Nothing like wine to [b]loosen[/b] ones tongue. Oh yess!!..I feel a [b]poem[/b] coming on! The [b]muse[/b] has found me!!...

8) 8) 8)

Wondering if this new engine is getting any easyer to use now.  Pretty colours.  Dont dare do the smilies tho!

I found out today I have to pay to get my prescription now.  Im not 'eligible' for free anymore.  Im abit pissed off.  Last time I looked they charged almost 7 quid!!..per item...Still really lucky that Im now completely off my antidepressants and only need my Vitamin thingys. Which I might be able to get via a normal chemist for about 3 quid.

They changed the goal posts yet again. Well thats England for you I guess.  I worked since I left collage...yet when I stopped work to have a baby I had a hell of a time claiming anything back!..I paid my bloody NI!  Yet some people who have never worked, live off the state...and me.  And they wonder why people arnt happy about it.  Bah!

Im feeling a bit [b]down [/b]still.

Been thinking about those poor kids in that [b]Russian School [/b]I cant remember the name off. http://newsbox.msn.co.uk/arti...://newsbox.msn.co.uk&i=http://newsbox.msn.co.uk/medi... Watching on TV lastnight the footage was terrible...[b]awful[/b]. Looks like the Russians just went in all [b]guns[/b] blazing.

So heavy handed they are. Lots of pople hurt..[b]killed[/b]. They just needed to control that school. Fair enough, just wishing right now that all the kids are coping with it. I cant imagine what it must be like sending your child to school and then having to face that...

I saw on the news that one of the[b] terrorists [/b]was dragged out and beaten to death by angry parents. Of cause they said he was already dead...but I think if that happened [b]here[/b]...withmy children..and I was in that group of [b]parents[/b]...yeah Id have had a good kick too. :?

Ahhh...[b]Sunday[/b]!..this is the last day befor my beautiful(and very very loud ) children go back to [b]school[/b]. I really need to get things sorted so Im not in a mad rush tomorrow! :roll:

They now start school earlier..[b]Amy[/b] 8.40am [b]Matty[/b] 8.50am I dont mind the early start...meh its the early pick up too...lol..3.15pm

I need to go [b]shop[/b]!...I make their lunches for school even tho I wish they had dinners. I would rather pay for the school dinners than have to make my own!...lol..just more work I guess...sheesh Im [b]lazy[/b].

Got into such a [b]grump[/b] last night because I knew I wasnt coming back on line. Im addicted to everybody on my [b]msn[/b] list!..even the ones who dont always talk :wink:

My mood did improve [b]dramaticaly[/b] when I saw that the film. [b]A Knights Tale [/b]which I love! was on..fantastic!
[b]Knights
Armour
Fighting
Heath Ledger!!...mmmmm [/b]:P

I do hate those people who have such[b] 'strong' [/b]opinions that they attack each and every one who tries to hold a hand up and say...'oh wait..I think this...'

The [b]stomp[/b] around squishing the folk around them. Ripping into their ideas. Oh but wait...here comes the big [b]boss[/b] man/lady. And lo!...they start licking. Simpering and really just...urghhh!!!

Honestly if you have [b]convictions[/b] and [b]opinions[/b] great!..Just hold off attacking like a bloody rabid dog!

And if those ideas are so strong and you will not bend...why [b]bend [/b]over for the big man eh?...pssshhht!...makes me so mad :evil:

Light relief?..lol..its from Tracy's blog anyway..do that link in a while.

What are friends for?..

I held something back. Something I didnt want him to know, simply because I knew how hard things were! I never did it to [b]hurt[/b] him and now Im the one hurting. The thing bubbled and kicked until I let it out...[b]explained[/b]...gave reasons. I got nothing...no small gesture of empathy..of kindness. All I feel is worry, why didnt I keep it to my self! It was such a huge thing to carry, and so very [b]important!..[/b]a life was lost and I am a shadow of who I once was :cry:

I dont know why I even bother sometimes. Am I too 'nice'...too trusting?..too vunerable! Maybe I should be tough..bitchy and cynical like everybody else!! :?

Ok Im still patting myself on the back about this poem 8) Im so [b]pleased[/b]!..Infact Im going to post the Poem here right now!..so I can read it all over again and [b]love[/b] myself!

The book will be called [b]The Power OF Words[/b]...published by [b]Forward Press [/b]24th of [b]November[/b]!..Im excited!!! It was accepted...its an anthology.

:D :D

[b]The Prison[/b]

This is my prison,
My Cell, bound by love.
A love without reasoning,
My inner strength withered.

A shadow of what once was,
Strong woman, vibrant and full.
They take it all, my beautiful children.
The constant bikering, the noise.

Ive become so numb to it all.
Like a machine, plug me in damn it!
Every step forward, such a struggle.
Im so tired, I could run. . .

Of course, I dont.
My babies need me, Im a shadow.
All sucked out of me, all my self.
Allways guilt, give, give, give, until Ive nothing left!

Why?!...this must be self abuse.....because,
One day, to turn and look,
Upon an angelic face, bursting with love,
And hope, a sweet smile, and everything...

Everything is great,
my lifes purpose.

So Im wondering if he got [b]married[/b] yet?. Snuck off and did it real quick, no fuss. Or maybe some other 'thing' to[b] seal [/b]his relationship. I dont know...im feeling pretty [b]'odd'[/b] right now. I feel...alot..all of my [b]emotions[/b] are real close to the surface and it doesnt take much to bring them out. Certain somebody ...Im real happy for...feels like he did something [b]crazy[/b]. Like you do when your madly in love :lol:

Now Im not certain. I cant be until I find out for sure. I guess Im just thinking out loud right now :roll:

Today...lets see. Took Matt and Beccy to the park. That was fun! Beccy walked all the way . Her poor baby legs!

Came back and finished an article Id been pondering over. For [b]Dirt[/b]. Well I need to polish, but it flowed nice, so I liked it :lol:

Quite an ok day. Apart from the earlier flip I had over some comment left on here...which is gone now anyway. [b]Blood[/b] tests yesterday...yet again..I should just get a tap fixed to my arm! :?

I signed and posted off the Copywrite/acceptance form for the [b]Poem[/b]!...so thats all done now!..just have to wait til [b]November 24th[/b]! :P

Its all abit weird. Lots of funny stuff going on. Oh its raining damn it :cry:

I still dont understand the new [b]post engine[/b]. I always use the old one. I would like to try it ...but it eats my posts and I have not got the patience to fiddle about [b]re-writing [/b]stuff! :evil:

Im afraid I write as it pops into my head. Still its all good. My [b]space[/b] and all. I forget where I read this...some blog, in the comments they were having a go at other blogs. Somebody commented..'If they arnt a decent writer they should NOT have a blog'...Well Im sorry but that is [b]mindless[/b]!. Blogs are just...blogs..no big deal! People all have real lives(or most do)and if they have a blog to let off abit of steam or chat about nonsence then thats what they can do. Makes me think that people who worry too much about it all , have no [b]'real life' [/b]to speak of.

Today is my sisters best friends [b]Wedding[/b]. My sis is a bridesmaid. Im going to go stand outside the church, which is [b]beautiful[/b] and watch her go in so I can just show my interest. Weddings are [b]NOT[/b] my cup of tea. lol..I think just about everybody gets that now!...strangely tho, my mother doesnt. :roll:

If [b]Amy[/b] is feeling ok Ill go. She is not feeling well, has a bit of a temp..pale. We shall see

Note to anybody...no matter what your..'intentions'. Never call me a 'kid'!

I am 33 years old

For a man to do a [b]simple[/b] job?..M took about 30 mins to chop carrots up into [b]'bitesize'[/b] pieces thismorning. Longer than it will take the horses to eat..lol

He has taken the kids to see the horses which live in the [b]fields[/b] not too far from the house. Walking distance, so I dont have too much free time befor they all pile back into the house [b]demanding[/b] drinks and snacks :lol:

Ive [b]zoomed[/b] around the house and now Im taking a few mins to relax. When he is off work...for two days. Everything is [b]chaos![/b]

The kids are even more excited than usual..they want his attention. He wants to relax, its a no win situation. And im in the middle!!!...gahh

Scanner...must try and fix it later :evil:

Maybe hit it with my shoe?...think that would work? :roll:

Lastnight I talked to [b]Ricky[/b]...been a loooong time. That was great tho, reliving [b]old times [/b]and stuff

:wink:

Well I feel so very much better after my[b] lovefest[/b]!. I know there are so many more good people out there. I keep thinking of more names!...bah Id be here all day if I adding constantly 8)

So now that my blog is my own again..lol Im thinking yet again of a [b]change[/b]. I love this skin. Its really me!..[b]BUT[/b]!..I dont like the text this far over I want more balance. Plus I dont like how I have to do links the hard way :lol: ..Im all for easy of use, thats because Im not technicaly minded at all!..Im terrible. :shock:

So anyway..things might change..yet again. Just incase you see [b]weird[/b] stuff happening. This may be why!..lol

So after all this [b]twiddling[/b] I shall go relax for a while. Finish off a few things for friends..3 projects on the go...I want finished by the weekend if I can. :wink:

Yes its from [b]Rinna!..[/b]didnt I say?


[b]Living Arangements[/b]

Three bedroomed house garden front and back yes thankyou its super but too small! :shock:

[b]What Book Are You Reading[/b]

Im still..yes STILL..reading Dragonlance Cronicles..its a bloody thick book and im almost finished. Its the third time Ive read it. Next on my list...re-read the Avalon series, there is a prequel out now :D

[b]What is On Your Mouse Pad[/b]

Kind of..lap top things..computer parts or something?

[b]Whats your Fav Bord Game[/b]

Monopoly...lol... :wink: I kill at monopoly AND Trivial Persuit..my heads full of usless old bits of info.

[b]Fav Magazine[/b]

All of the damn things. Im seriously addicted to all of the glossies..Cosmo..et al..Im such a girlie. Of course I dont follow their advice!..I rip into it and say its wrong! :wink:

[b]Babies?[/b]

One..Beccy is 2 in a week so shes almost not a baby anymore :cry: Amy 6..Matty 7

[b]Fave Sounds[/b]

The sea...the wind...kittens purring. Me purring.... :shock:

[b]Worst Feeling In the World?[/b]

Loosing a child. Also
Somebody telling you your unborn son has an 80% chance of being brain damaged to the point of not surviving. Bestest feeling...him being born and getting a 100% check . :P

[b]First Thing You Think About In The Morning[/b]

When is HE leaving for work. Then Coffee :?

[b]How Many Rings Befor You Answer The Phone[/b]

Depends where I am. Where my phone is. If its still working. Meh :shock:

[b]Summer or Winter[/b]

Can I say Autumn?..yeah well I just did :P

[b]Future Childrens Name[/b]

Jeeze..I think three children is enough right now thankyou

[b]Whats Most Important In Life[/b]

Being open minded..being happy..my childrens happyness..my friends

[b]Fave Foods[/b]

Chocolate, apples, lollypops
:wink: :wink:

[b]Chocolate or Vanilla[/b]

Easy choc..unless its chocolate ice cream which I cant stand :roll:

[b]Do You Like To Drive Fast?[/b]

I dont drive at any speed matey. If the kids are in the car..slow..other wise..im fast...or the car is :wink:

[b]Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?[/b]

Thats no way to talk about my fella 8)

[b]Storms[/b]

Yes more storms!..I love to be in a tent looking out at a huge storm!...brings all my emotions to a head!

[b]First Car[/b]

nope

[b]Coke or Pepsie[/b]

*gags*...niether...if I had bacardi tho...erm..coke

[b]Fave Alcoholic drink[/b]

Changes...depends whoes buying..lol..Im alush :shock:

[b]Zodiac Sign[/b]

Libra...peace maan :lol:

[b]Do You Eat The Stems Of Broccli[/b]

Of course!..yum

[b]If You Could Have Any Job...WHat Would it be[/b]

Writer...Id hide away in the mountains and scribble all day with nobody to stop me!..Then Every so often Id fly to Milan or Sorento and party :wink:

[b]If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Colour?[/b]

Ive had...blond with pink bits...black with electric blue bits...Dark purple..black...black with pillar box red bits...I stick to my natural Red now..tho I have been know to make it redder.

[b]Ever Been In Love[/b]

Yeah..Im in love WITH love

[b]Is The Glass Half Empty or Half Full[/b]

Full.....I top up regular..lol

[b]Fave Movie[/b]

Hard one...so many. Rocky Horror Picture Show...springs to mind :shock: I was IN this in collage..loved every second.

[b]Do You Type With Your Fingers On The Right Keys[/b]?
I do try...lol...I can type faster using my own style which is kind of like watching a spider tapdance

:wink:

[b]What Is Under Your Bed?[/b]

Books...Old files from Collage...Old Theater Make up...Old letters

[b]Fave Number[/b]

6 or 8

[b]Fave Sport To Watch[/b]

hmm..Mens Tenis..Horse Trials

[b]Say At Least One Nice Thing About The Person You Got This From[/b]

Only one?...ok..shes a little gem 8)

[b]Who Will Pinch This[/b]

Honestly..Ive no idea right now.

[b]Who Is Least Likely to Respond[/b]

pfftt...too many to mention

[b]Beach, Mountains or City[/b]

Mountains..or even better Clifftops looking down onto the beach :lol:

[b]Technology or Art[/b]

Art

[b]Fave Colour[/b]

Purple...Blue...Dark Pink

[b]Comedy or Horror[/b]

comedy

[b]Fave Time of Day[/b]

that would be...about 8pm when all is calm and Im chilled


Phew..long one. 8)

[b]Tigergurrl[/b]

Last but by no means least :lol:
TG interests me alot. Firstly she loves [b]Tigers[/b]. As I do 8) But her [b]pain[/b]...her [b]feelings[/b]. Alot of feelings go into her blog I think. She is in [b]love[/b]!..yay :lol: And desperately wants to BE with her [b]girlfriend![/b] I think they did meet on line and have been 'together' years!..thats [b]fantastic[/b]!..I wish them both all the luck in the world!

Another creative lady. Great [b]poems[/b] AND [b]art.. [/b]:wink:
I look forward to reading more about her life...especialy when the two finaly get to stay together, instead of all the visits 8)

[b]Silentscreams68[/b]

[b]Vampy[/b]...is the best way to describe her. Totaly [b]imbued[/b] with talent for [b]writing[/b]. Her poems are to die for!...So [b]dark[/b] and [b]mysterious[/b]...very [b]deep[/b].! Shes exactly what I look for when I want to sink my teeth into a [b]meaty[/b] bit of darkness. The best [b]erotica[/b] Ive seen so far. Not that Ive seen THAT much...err :oops:

I have much[b] respect [/b]for this lady. :P

[b]SheSpecies[/b]

[b]Ladies[/b] abound!...gosh another [b]smart and sexy [/b]girl! :lol:

Sadly very much a [b]working[/b] girl right now with her new job and all. Sad for me!..not her! [b] Spiritual [/b]too...she understands...things, things that others find it hard to digest. This makes her top tottie in the 'I need to talk about odd things' stakes.

Her blog is an [b]oasis[/b] of calm in the hustle and bustle of life. Her[b] inner strength [/b]just oozes.

I miss you C...[b]good luck [/b]in your fab job. I saw you did great yesterday!..go she!! :wink:

[b]ScubaDiva[/b]

Now here is a [b]lady[/b]. A real lady, [b]smart confident[/b]. [b]Witty[/b] and [b]sharp[/b]!..If she was a knife she'd cut herself!..hehe 8) erm that WAS a joke!

Yikes another [b]tough[/b] lady. Her blog reads like a [b]ladies who lunch [/b]diary!..maybe the English people will know what I mean. Its a [b]compliment[/b] honest :)

I love taking a peek into her world. Its so different from my own. Shes perfectly [b]comfortable[/b] in her own skin, can pick and choose dates, which are [b]hilarius[/b] reading!

Oh and the best thing...she always takes the time to [b]look after herself[/b]. Something I still do even if it means having dishes all over my kitchen :wink:

[b]Rinna[/b]

[b]Aussie[/b] rules?..This one does!..lol. Who said she was [b]slick[/b]?..cant remember *shifty eyes*. Well she certainly is. Id call her [b]loopy[/b]...but [b]lush[/b], [b]querky[/b]..but [b]quaint[/b].lol..ok enough.

Rinna is [b]fab[/b] and [b]groovey[/b], she knows how to rant and she has plenty to [b]rant [/b]about too!. Another [b]great writer[/b]! so [b]creative[/b] and will spend ages helping insane people who are about to crack up!(that would be moi :wink: )

[b]Deep[/b] and [b]thoughtfull[/b] too..dont just scratch the surface, dig deeper. The [b]treasure[/b] lies beneath 8)

Raggedtigeruk

Hes a [b]softy[/b] deep down Im sure...lol. His blog is a fun read, even tho Im not..'into' girls he always has [b]pretty girls [/b]on his bloggy.

In fact Im still not sure why I visit :wink: Must be because he is a [b]dimond geezer[/b]...a gent. And he always manages to say the right thing.

His music [b]ALWAYS[/b] gets me going, and Im not a huge [b]Duran Duran [/b]fan. He loves them and thats what counts. One thing I have to say about Raggy, I would so much like to read more about [b]HIM[/b]..inside. He did give us a peek once, and it got my interest.

Not to mention how [b]sexy[/b] he is naked...erm did I say that out loud? 8)